just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
