So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
