mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize