When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
