I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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