im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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