laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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