I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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