Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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