we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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