Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
