Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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