Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
only if we run a train.
done.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
