come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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