is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
