I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
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Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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