When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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