I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
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HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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