for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
BRING THE BAGELS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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