Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
