im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
