anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
