I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
