420 ftw
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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