did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon