I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize