I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just want nice things and good sex
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.