Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

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  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (128) Good night (8047) Bad night (61524)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.

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  (225): I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along. http://tfl.nu/uoya
  Replies (24) Good night (3191) Bad night (609)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.

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  (810): you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch. http://tfl.nu/47sj
  Replies (29) Good night (1204) Bad night (5012)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

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  (740): The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story. http://tfl.nu/x6qv
  Replies (18) Good night (6519) Bad night (846)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.

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  (219): Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo. http://tfl.nu/ey2b
  Replies (3) Good night (4636) Bad night (824)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.

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  (765): It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night. http://tfl.nu/hkf5
  Replies (13) Good night (2672) Bad night (1391)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?

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  (409): Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall? http://tfl.nu/ymbz
  Replies (7) Good night (2482) Bad night (840)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You used the best tools you had at your disposal.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Slutty, slutty tools.

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  (507): You used the best tools you had at your disposal. (651): Slutty, slutty tools. http://tfl.nu/m6kb
  Replies (9) Good night (1900) Bad night (560)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm stealing this baby.

  (1-719): View more from Colorado

  Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?

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  (719): I'm stealing this baby. (1-719): Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it? http://tfl.nu/p4hu
  Replies (5) Good night (1304) Bad night (545)
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  (347): View more from New York

  The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.

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  (347): The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that. http://tfl.nu/bwbw
  Replies (19) Good night (1585) Bad night (452)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.

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  (410): The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager. http://tfl.nu/3fqc
  Replies (8) Good night (683) Bad night (1882)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.

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  (517): It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals. http://tfl.nu/8hcd
  Replies (0) Good night (658) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  That was you...

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  (647): You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party (1-647): That was you... http://tfl.nu/3f5k
  Replies (4) Good night (1211) Bad night (571)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?

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  (832): So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid? http://tfl.nu/r78n
  Replies (3) Good night (454) Bad night (635)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours

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  (602): Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours http://tfl.nu/swqx
  Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (269)

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