what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
