would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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