So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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