Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
