if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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