just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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