the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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