Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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