never play flip cup with pint glasses
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
