Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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