Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am available for nakedness
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