the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
