'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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