it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
