I got chris browned last night
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh god the rape fog is back!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
