hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
