i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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