Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
should my penis look like a turkey
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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