I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
