Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize