my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
