But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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