Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
