First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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