Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
