And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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