You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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