Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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