She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
