you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
