I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
