OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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