I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
