So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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