1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
