I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
