Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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