We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
