Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
