I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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