I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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