Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land

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  (978): a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land http://tfl.nu/vapb
  Replies (35) Good night (1523) Bad night (5947)
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  (347): View more from New York

  last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake

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  (347): last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake http://tfl.nu/pvxf
  Replies (4) Good night (3307) Bad night (785)
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  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

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  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (18927) Bad night (1343)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?

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  (563): I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful? http://tfl.nu/ij5q
  Replies (24) Good night (3449) Bad night (3632)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.

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  (203): after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet. (1-203): your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd. http://tfl.nu/5pti
  Replies (12) Good night (4852) Bad night (1825)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

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  (330): Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you. http://tfl.nu/fmxs
  Replies (38) Good night (7945) Bad night (1549)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

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  (253): So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas http://tfl.nu/0wvi
  Replies (65) Good night (2067) Bad night (16172)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.

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  (503): We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first. http://tfl.nu/hwjj
  Replies (12) Good night (3431) Bad night (1004)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird

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  (630): Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird http://tfl.nu/yn9e
  Replies (5) Good night (721) Bad night (1600)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.

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  (703): I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks. http://tfl.nu/40kn
  Replies (3) Good night (1655) Bad night (560)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.

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  (732): He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment. http://tfl.nu/yahz
  Replies (2) Good night (1647) Bad night (578)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.

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  (920): Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids. http://tfl.nu/j5zx
  Replies (0) Good night (983) Bad night (358)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  So many things can go wrong tonight.

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  (770): So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun? (404): So many things can go wrong tonight. http://tfl.nu/anjg
  Replies (3) Good night (1285) Bad night (374)
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  (858): View more from California

  Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?

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  (858): Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we? http://tfl.nu/fuxn
  Replies (1) Good night (510) Bad night (250)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.

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  (404): As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection. http://tfl.nu/m3hm
  Replies (2) Good night (395) Bad night (252)

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