Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now

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(940): View more from Texas

I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl

(1-940): View more from Texas

you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.

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(410): View more from Maryland

what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

(1-410): View more from Maryland

the part where you beat me to him

(410): View more from Maryland

fair enough.

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(703): View more from Virginia

today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(714): View more from California

Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.

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(425): View more from Washington

When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties

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