There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"