when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
