turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"