FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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