The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
