there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
