i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
