Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
