I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
