Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
