I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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